I Wanted to Commit Suicide – Spirits Urged Me til Jesus Saved Me

Back when I was six-years-old, my brother and I were walking on a frozen lake thinking that we were in a park when the ice gave way. I fell in and my brother grabbed me, and then he fell in, too. While I was saved by him, no one was able to save him. At my brother’s funeral, the priest said that the good Lord needed him, so he took him. Well, I didn’t know how to deal with so much pain, and after two weeks, I couldn’t handle my brother being gone, so I decided to go where he was and that means death. So one day in my closet, filled with hatred towards God for taking my brother, I pulled a blanket up to my chest and pretended to be dead. I found a lot of joy and peace in this, but after the second or third time that I did that, I heard a voice that mocked God. It made me feel really good to know that I wasn’t the only one that hated God. Within a short time, I heard such mocking and such hatred toward God that I just felt like whomever this is really understands me. So I just kept getting into my pretend coffin more and more. Then one day I heard a voice say, “I love you, and I care a lot about you. God is ruthless and doesn’t care about you.” So at the age of eight, my hatred of God increased a lot. Then I started developing severe nightmares. So my parents suggested I see a priest. But my spirit friend said, “I will give you words to say, so don’t be afraid.” It was right. The priest did not know how to help me. Then one day at age seven, I went into the spirit world and had my first demonic vision. I saw myself putting an axe in my dad’s skull. But my spirit friend said, “Don’t tell anyone, because if you do, you will be locked up forever.” I then knew my friend was real, because I could hear him crystal clear. About a year later, I now had several spirit friends, and most of them I could see. But Raw was a spirit friend that scared other spirit friends, because his name was “war” spelled backwards. By now I encountered a spirit that amazed me because he was nice and he would say I love you deeply and it’s too bad God doesn’t see any value in you. Then he said can I come live inside of you, so I said yes. Than he started to tell me what I need to do to end all the pain. Several times he would say you should just kill your self because know one really cares about you. Well as time went on I started drinking a little bit here and there, and that really caused my friends to be more active. By age twelve, I decided to hate all people of color. It seemed fun and all my spirit friends really liked it. See, I wanted to please them, because the more I pleased them, the more they would say, “We love you and care about you.” By age fifteen, my severe nightmares stopped, because I became friends with a spirit called Nightmare, but my other playmate spirits were more loving. By sixteen, most friends of mine from school wanted to look at pornography, so I just pretended to like it, too, but actually I was thinking about how to kill people or myself. I considered Ted Bundy and Hitler to be very genuine men, and I knew both of them were controlled by spirits. I was introduced to the Ouija board at seventeen, and my friend said it was boring, but I heard it growl at me, and this really turned me on. So I quit being into racism, and I dived into occultism. By age eighteen, I began developing a really bad habit of taking cocaine and meth, but my spirit friends let me know that from my childhood, God had been my problem, and I was to hate those that followed Him. My friend Suicide spirit was now really starting to point out just how worthless life was and how I deserved a better life but because I wasn’t a great athlete or very attractive he would say please kill your self because God doesn’t want you and why would you try to survive through this miserable life. Well, I had gotten heavy into cursing people and things as a child, so I now began seeing things happen to those I cursed, like people getting hurt when I spoke evil against them now as an adult. At age twenty, I got heavy in to Satanism. Well because I knew I was losing my mind and I was becoming more and more evil I tried to over dose 3 different times, but sense that didn’t work I took some pills and drank a bottle of whiskey. Well I wanted to get back at some one close to me so I told a social worker that I am going to commit murder with a sledgehammer. At that moment, I was court-ordered to go into a psychiatric ward. While in there, I was diagnosed with many different mental illnesses. But that was really funny to me, because these spirits spoke through me and confused everybody.One day in another ward, I heard this real gentle voice say, “I love you, my child. Please call out to me.” But after I heard that voice, it seemed like all hell broke loose. After getting out of another rehab, I went to a friend for help, and he took me to the wealthiest tarot card reader in the state. This woman read Tarot cards even for doctors and attorneys. But while we were in her kitchen, she called my friend into the other room and said, “What in the hell are you doing? Don’t you realize the demons in him are by far more powerful than the spirits I deal with?” After that, we were ordered to leave. Well, because I was able to get the Ouija board to move around in so many ways, I started scaring all my friends. Well then my friend called Suicide said you are just as cursed as we are now God can’t accept you; you have failed at every thing in life so why you are still fighting me please end all this suffering now. So in complete desperation I was so confused about why a loser would still be alive then my friend the spirit of Suicide said I love you and I care a lot about you but God made so many mistakes about you that he is just cruel and so unloving so I decided after six rehabs and seven mental wards, I should take my life. For the first time in my life I felt so happy and I literally saw at least 5 demons that day saying we will meet again, now go through with it, so I slit my wrist with my girl friend standing over me as she put her hand tightly around mine she pulled back and blood went every where. She was getting really excited but I think I was in shock because she pulled back again and again; pretty soon we were both covered in blood. Well than she said you cant stay here they will accuse me of murder so I got in my truck with blood going every where, but I didn’t know where to go so I went and saw a friend but he said you cant stay here because I am having a party going on and if you die that would look bad. So I jumped back in my truck and drove around but then I blacked out and I found myself in an emergency room, than I blacked out again and woke up in a psychiatric ward, then I was told that I was only 2 minutes away from bleeding to death. Then I got out and found out my psychologist took his life. But I failed even at slitting my own wrist. So I just gave up all hope now, thinking ok I have no chose but to hang myself. I was dying because so many medical problems because of all the drugs and alcohol. I had no food and no money for medications because I was very sick. So I knelt down at my bed and and asked God to kill me or show me some type of happyness.Well Christ jesus came threw my cieling and wrapped his loving arms me and said me dear child Timothy,I have been waiting for you to cry out and ask for help.Than he said from this day forward you will no longer desire all the drugs and alcahol.You will no longer need your anti depressants because I am going to restore you emotionalley and mentalley.Than he said I will restore your body because you have been called to do great things for my kingdom and you will go all over telling people about my love.Well after living in several states looking for a church that could love me and accept me I ended up in Oklahoma.I have been blessed with a spirtual father and a loving church for the first time in life.For 20 years I had to fight allot on my own because I couldnt find any one to stand with me because my past was so evil.Well I ended up taking a class by a professor at Oral Roberts University called Men of Destiney.I ended up breaking all evil soul ties and getting my soul restored.Well as I was going threw with this class a dead woman appeared before me and said will you please contact my childern and my husband to let them know I am in a better place. Well when I rejected speaking with this dead woman because I knew it was a familiar spirit, the spirit of Suicide came to me and for the first time in my life I stood up to him and said in Jesus Christ name I rebuke you. I believe everybody would benefit from that Destiny class because my prison walls, which no one could see, fell down there, and I am walking on with Christ. My bondage that had no chains was really there, but not now. Praise God! Praise God I’m free. Today I have a deliverance ministry and I have written 2 books. The first one is called A PSYCHIC DISCOVERS JESUS and the second book is called SUICIDE SPIRIT. If anyone wants to they can check out my website, well here it is http://exposingthedarkness.webstarts.com/index.html Be blessed Tim.