Never Forsaken

On the 26th of January, 2000, I was returning to Kuwait from India.
I wasn’t really excited about the idea, but then, this is where I earn
my living. The journey was pretty smooth all the way. I cleared through
immigrations, collected my luggage, walked to a custom officer, who checked
my baggage. He was about to let me go, when he pointed to my hand bag and
said,

“Give me that”. After thoroughly checking the contents, he took out
a big brown envelope, and said, “What’s this?” I said, “I don’t know. This
was given to me at the airport for someone out here.” He opened it, laughed
and said, “Do you usually carry drugs for people?”

I began to panic! I’m not going to explain in detail what I went through
at the airport. All I can say is, the officers were brutal in their behaviour
and by the time they were done with me, I was totally humiliated to the
point where it didn’t matter if I lived or died after that. If only I could
have seen it then, that through my weakness, Satan was having the time
of his life. But then,  Satan’s other name is  ‘camouflage’.
As strange as this may sound, most people, when they get into difficulties,
the last thing they think of doing is to pray! And this is exactly what
happened to me. Like most of the people, I was mentally, physically and
spiritually worn out by fear. I let fear flood my soul. Whatever faith
I had in me, I let fear destroy it.

I allowed Satan to say to me, “Your life is over now and there’s nothing
you can do about it.”  There was so much fear inside of me, that I
completely forgot that I had the Lord on my side. I was totally controlled
by fear. Slowly it dawned on me, and I

cried out to the Lord, “Oh Lord, I’m scared. I want to go home. 
Please, I beg of you, take me home.” And the next thing I saw was a familiar
face. It was the face of a friend, my brother’s friend. Of course, I wasn’t
allowed to talk to him because the

officers wouldn’t allow me to. But the Lord allowed me to say, “Ahmed,
please tell my brother to call my lawyer, his number is in my brown wallet
in my drawer.” All it took was, for me to put my trust in God and to resist
the devil. It says in James 4:7

“Submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.” Of course,
I didn’t know this then, but I know it now.

I couldn’t close my eyes and pretend that the devil wasn’t there and
that from then on, things would be perfect. No! I was detained at the airport
for several hours. I was interogated by so many officers. I began to get
anxious and here’s another thing I didn’t know – the Bible clearly tells
us in Matthew 6:34 “Don’t be anxious.” I realised that my anxious behaviour
did nothing to help me. All it did was make me feel God was far away. 
And finally after almost 7 hours of pure hell, the CID officers took me
to the Criminal Jail.

When we reached the jail, I was pushed into a 3×4 room that had 2 bathrooms
in it, no window, just an exhaust on one side of the wall, and a huge black
iron door. There were 12 other women in there too. Once again I let fear
take control of my life. I just couldn’t believe what was happening to
me. I was so frightened that I wanted the ground to open up and swallow
me. I

moved towards the extreme corner of the wall behind the door. I made
a ball of myself, held on to my knees and then, in hardly a few seconds
after I was locked in, my eyes read the words, “JESUS LOVES YOU AND ME”
inscribed on that black iron door! The Lord knew that I was frighten and
it was His way of reassuring me that He too was there with me. It clearly
states in

the Bible in Hebrews 13:5 “I will never fail you nor forsake you.”

As amazing as it may sound, it was the only way Jesus could tell me
that He loves me and that He was there with me in that small cell! I felt
in my heart that no matter what happened from then on, Jesus too was with
me, holding my hand and He wouldn’t let go. I kept saying to myself, “Jesus
loves me. Jesus loves me. Jesus loves me!” Although I didn’t have any reason
to

be happy, I was happy! But let me be very honest here.  Even those
words couldn’t take away the funny feeling I had in the pit of my stomach.
Why? Because I still let Satan control me with ‘fear’. I won’t deny it,
I was still afraid! I didn’t know what was happening on the outside. If
only I could have put all my trust in the Lord and believed in my heart
that everything was going to be alright. But sad to say, I didn’t do that,
not at that moment.

Fear had taken hold of me. I kept asking the security guard to allow
me to talk to my son or my brother. But he wouldn’t allow me. Every minute
seemed like a year! It was simply unbearable inside the cell. I tried to
sleep, but sleep wouldn’t come. After an hour inside the cell, I was choking.

The only air entering that cell was through the opening at the bottom
of that door. I just couldn’t endure it any longer. All the women inside
were pretty relaxed, doing their own stuff – chatting, eating, joking,
laughing, taking their shower. They were so

comfortable, it was like they lived there.

There was only one elderly Muslim lady who cried a lot. The strange
thing is, no matter how scared I was,  I couldn’t cry.  
I admit one thing though, in spite of my fear, there was an inner calm
which I couldn’t explain then but I understand it now. For this type of
calmness only comes from one person, Jesus! I found out later, that people
in India, Canada and States were praying for me. That explains the tranquility
I felt even in my worst moments. I really can’t express in words how I
managed to get through my first night in the cell. To put it in simple
English, every minute was traumatic and frightful! If I managed to fall
off

to sleep, it was due to mere exhaustion. I was exhausted from getting
up early in the morning to catch my flight. Exhausted from the hours I
was held up at the airport and exhausted from the whole ordeal.

The light in the cell was never swithced off, but yet, I must have dozed
off to sleep within an hour after being thrown inside. But, only to awaken
a few hours later and notice that all the women were fast asleep. That
strange feeling in the pit of my stomach returned all over again. I must
have dozed off to sleep again. I woke up at about five in the morning (I
knew it was morning because I had my watch) and the other women were fast
asleep. As I sat there, I could hear the devil say, “You’ve blown it! You’re
so weak, your’re such a lousy Christian. Give up! Throw in the towel. You’ll
never make it!” I got up and began to pace up and down. As I walked, my
eyes were turned towards a writing on the wall. The words I read were,
“Those who believe in Jesus was saved” (written in poor grammar). 
The Lord knew what Satan was up to, so He took hold of my hand and said
to me, “Come child, read these words, for this is all you have to do, believe
in me!”

Of course, nothing changed in the cell. It was still very difficult
to breath in there. Each time I got choked, I would go to the door, bend
down on my knees, place my nose to the floor and breathe in as much oxygen
as I could. I did this several times through out the day. If I wasn’t at
the door, I was pacing up and down 1, 2, 3 steps up and 1, 2, 3 steps back
that was all the space my feet could take me. To be honest, these were
the only verses I had memorised from the Bible and in  my moments
of weakness and defeat I kept repeating them: 2 TIM 1:7 “THE LORD HAS NOT
GIVEN ME A SPIRIT OF FEAR, BUT OF POWER, OF LOVE AND OF A SOUND MIND”,
1 JOHN 4:4 “GREATER IS HE THAT IS IN ME THAN HE THAT IS IN THE WORLD” and
ROM 8:31 “IF THE LORD BE FOR US WHO CAN BE AGAINST US”. These verses gave
me inner strength, hope to go on and cling to a love that I could never
begin to understand the love of my Lord Jesus Christ!

It was now my second day in the cell. I had not eaten any food. All
I did was drink water to moisten my lips which were sore. I just wanted
the nightmare to come to an end. I longed to go home, to family and friends.
Food was the last thing on my mind. I continued to pray. In fact, that’s
all I ever did. If I paced up and down, I was praying. If I sat, I had
my palms outstretched upwards and I’d pray and if I was lying down, I was
praying. I never stopped praying. My lips never stopped giving thanks and
praise to the Lord.

On my third day in the cell, the Lord spoke to me again. There were
many writings on the walls. But the Lord didn’t want me to see them all
at one time. So, each day, my eyes would see what He, the Lord wanted them
to see. This time, I read, “JESUS IS MY STRENGTH”. It’s like the Lord knew
that I would need strength on the third day, because I hadn’t eaten anything.
I just couldn’t eat. The sight of the food made me want to throw up. In
the Bible it says, “for my strength is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians
12:9.

On the evening of the third day, I was sitting and praying as usual,
while all the women did their usual stuff –  talked, laughed, ate.
Among them, there was this Muslim woman. From the day I was put in the
cell, I noticed that although she prayed, she was always unhappy and she
cried ever so often. That evening she came and sat by my side and said
to me, “Who are you

praying to?” I said, “Jesus. He is the only one I know how to pray
to and through Him, my father in Heaven hears me.” Then she said, “Can
you pray for me too.” I said to her, “I can, but I want you to pray to
him.” Then she said, “What did you say his name was?” I said, “Jesus.”
Then, she said, “Jesus” and she began to pray and I actually heard her
take the name of Jesus. And seconds later she said, “You know what, I feel
so much better.”  Ofcourse, I didn’t know then that the Lord had actually
used me, but I know it now. For it clearly says in, John 4:34 “My food
is to do the will of Him who sent Me, and to finish His work.”

Yes, as Christians, we should be good examples to the others around
us especially to non-believers. Our faith in Jesus should be noticed by
them.

This part of my testimony is vital. I must say, that no matter what
I was going through, I never stopped giving thanks and praise to the Lord.
I don’t know if you have read, “PRISON TO PRAISE” – “POWER IN PRAISE” –
and “PRAISE WORKS”, I’m really glad I did!  I know, if I hadn’t read
those books before my horrible ordeal, I would have never known how to
thank and

praise the Lord for what happened to me at the airport, for the 3 nights
in the cell and for what I’m still going through. Even when I choked, I
said, “Thank you Lord, thank you my Jesus. For everything I give you thanks
and praise.” I know, Satan thought he could stop me from praising God by
his devious ways but, I said to him, “Satan, in the name of Jesus, you

have no place here, go away, the more you hurt me, the more I’ll give
praise and thanks to the Lord!”

I honestly admit, I wasn’t aware that praise and worship transforms
our troubles till I spent those 3 nights in prison. As I praised and worshiped,
I found that my Father was close to me and that He loves me. I had never
been in prison before. This first experience should have frightened me,
but in the depths of my distress, He gave me a meausre of His joy, which
no sorrow could take away from me. He gave me His love. What a glorious
hope in the midst of my suffering. Nothing so glorifies God as praising
Him for His love when we can no longer understand Him and are tempted to
lose confidence in His love.

In Luke 8:5-8 it tells us about “The Parable of the Sower”. In all honestly
I do admit that at the time, my faith was like – The seeds that fell on
the rock – these are people who hear, receive the word with joy, and have
no root, they believe for a while and when temptations come, they give
in. I let Satan control me with fear. My faith wasn’t strong enough to
believe that no matter what the circumstance, God is there by my side.
So, the only way He confirm it to me is by guiding my eyes to read the
writings written by other believers.

Actually, He was with me right from the very beginning. If it wasn’t
for Him, my brothers friend, wouldn’t have come in and my brother wouldn’t
have known how to get in touch with my lawyer. And when my brother did
get in touch with my lawyer, he was scheduled to leave for Bahrain and
would have been out of town. But the Lord took care of that too. My brother
met my lawyer, who promised him that he’d be in court for me first thing
on Saturday, which of course I knew nothing of.

If the Lord wasn’t for me, then come Saturday,  I would have been
taken to Court, from there to the Central Jail for a period of 21 days.
But God was with me like He was with Paul, when he was in prison. Psalm
62:1-2 “In God alone does my soul find rest for he saves me. He is both
my rock and my salvation; he is my defender so I will never be defeated” 
the Lord set me free on the 29th of March, 2000. On the morning of that
day, at about 10:00 a.m while I was taken to court, I looked toward the
sky and said, “Thank you my Lord, thank you that I’m able to see the sky
again.”

I’m not going to deny it, I was afraid. I didn’t know what to expect.
I wasn’t even aware that my lawyer would be there because right up to now
I wasn’t allowed to make any phone calls, so I still didn’t get a chance
to talk to anyone or find out about my lawyer. While I waited in Court,
my lawyer, (who was in a hurry) walked pass me so fast that I barely had
a chance to sight the end of his robe. But I knew instantly that it was
him. Don’t ask me how I knew. I just did! The Lord gave me that instinct.
For he stepped back, entered the room, held on to my hand and said, “Don’t
worry, everything’s going to be alright.”

If only I knew then what I know now, I would have known at that time,
that no matter how difficult the situation, no matter how tough the battle,
it wasn’t mine to fight, but God’s. All He wanted from me was to believe
in Him and see the salvation of the Lord who is with me. For it clearly
says in Deuteronomy 3:22 “You must not fear them, for the Lord your God
Himself fights for you.” And in  Is. 41:10-13 it says “Fear thou not;
for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen
thee; yes, I will help thee; I will uphold thee with my victorious right
hand.”

To me, it was the Lord Himself who held my hand through the hand of
my lawyer and who used his words to comfort  me. It says in Hebrews
13:5 “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”   At about 8:00
p.m that same day, after completing the  formalities of bail, I was
released! The Lord finally got me out of that rotten cell. Of course, being
released from the cell, didn’t mean that was the end of my problems. After
having discussed with my lawyer the pros and cons of my case, he told me,
that it would cost  KD 4,000/- up front and KD 4000/- once the case
was over, a total of KD 8,000/-. Where could I arrange for such a huge
amount of money? All I had with me was KD 700/-.

I could clearly hear the devil whisper, “I told you to throw in the
towel, but you think this so called Jesus of yours will help you. Well,
go, see if your Jesus can get you out of this one?” In all honesty, I do
admit I did worry. Satan’s evil whispers got me all

worked up. But I remembered God’s word – Mark 11:24 “Therefore I say
to you, whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive
them, and you will have them.” So I started praying to the Lord. I humbled
myself before Him. I begged forgiveness for the wretched sinner that I
am. And you know what, the Lord provided! After all, He is Jehovah Jireh
our provider! He provided me with KD 3,400/-. I was still short of KD 600/-.
I prayed again and asked the Lord to put compassion in my lawyer’s heart.
That is exactly what the Lord did. When I explained to my lawyer that I’m
short of money, he told me not to worry, that the rest could be given to
him with the other half of the amount. So there, the Lord proved Satan
to be a liar and a deceiver! It clearly says in Revelation 12:9 “The devil
and Satan, the deceiver of the whole world.”

I know the road I’m presently traveling on is rather rough, there are
many holes along the way, holes into which I could fall and get trapped.
But I am, confident that everything will work out for His glory! I’m not
afraid, I’m not wondering how I’m going to

make ends meet. Because Jesus will provide me with everything! If He
could be there with me in that cell, He will be with me always! For it
says in Phil 4:19 “The Lord will provide all my needs according to His
riches in glory by Christ Jesus.” God is love and always will be. It is
His name and His nature. Knowing this will bring me through every suffering.
How can His love pass me by and fail to help when I am distressed and hurting?
It just cannot, for His heart is love, His will is nothing but  goodness
and the paths along which He leads me are good.

And yes, my problems may not all be resolved immediately, but He has
given me the strength to bear them. My burdens can no longer crush me.
And when there are times when I feel confused, I say, “Father, thank you
for loving me. I know now, that your will, in whatever form it comes to
me, is nothing but loving kindness. And the path you are leading me on
is good, even if I cannot understand it. You conceived this leading for
me in your loving fatherly heart. It is good, whether I can make sense
of it or not.” I now trust the Lord with my whole heart and unlike I used
to do before, I do not lean on my own understandings.

Today, I feel proud to say, “I am a happier person because I have learnt
to wait upon the Lord for everything. I consider all those horrible things
that happened, as God’s calling for me to a deeper level in my spiritual
walk with Him. But most of all, I believe that through the blood of Jesus
I have been delivered from the power of Satan and the world that I allowed
myself to be trapped in!”  And someday, I will say, “I was in the
battle field, but I didn’t fight the battle. I stood and watched the salvation
of my God! The Lord won every victory for me. The case is closed. I’m back
at my job. My financial problems are over!” Praise God!

It was due to God’s marvelous grace that I was given the chance to tell
you about my testomony. I admit, I wasn’t a serious Christian. I have been
blessed with a new life, a new beginning in Jesus Christ. I am convinced
that my experiences were designed to show me how little faith I had and
how much I needed to trust in God and know that He was involved in things
that

happened to me. I don’t mean that He always causes bad things to happen
just so He can teach us something. I mean that He causes us to be where
we need to be so that we can learn what we need to learn. And this was
my turning-point to lean on God more.

It has been agonizingly painful to recall the exact details, but I felt
in the Spirit that I had to let the reader know eactly what I had gone
through; it is proof that we have a wonderful Father in heaven who really
loves us with a love that is beyond our

understanding. I will always be grateful to God, for His faithfulness
and patience with me knows no bounds. The moment I cried out to him for
help a war broke out between my Heavenly Father and Satan for my soul.
And today, I belong to a wonderful kingdom, the kingdom of Heaven, because
my Heavenly Father won the battle and my soul no longer belongs to Satan.
I regret that I have been so slow a learner. I’m so thankful that God did
not give up on me.

I cannot see into the future, but I know that “all things work together
for good” for it says so in Romans 8:28 and though the Father may place
burdens on me, He will always carry me with the load, sharing in my pain
and distress. I may not have known this before, but I have a strong sense
of the Lord’s presence and I know He is in control. What stands out most
clearly is the great mercy and compassion of God, who is truly close to
me even in my present situation.

Even though the road ahead seems uncertain and the evil one tries to
make me feel discouraged, I oppose him and say, “God is my helper” 
(Psalm 54:4). For at each new blow, each sad piece of news, each meaningless
or incomprehensible leading, the Lord my God does all things well. It is
right and best for me. It is His will. Everything springs forth from His
loving heart, and His thoughts are always higher than our thoughts (Isaiah
55:9).

Even if the evil one is involved and seems to be directly responsible
for the tragedy that has befallen me, nothing can happen to me without
the permission of my heavenly Father.

I know for certain that, come what may, God will not abandon me and
I can count on His continued love and care. Today, I gladly give praise
and thanks to God for giving me strength to return to a daily routine.

All I ask is you pray for me.

God bless.

Ann.

[email protected]

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1 Peter 5:7 “Cast your cares upon Him who cares for you”